<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>that's what hope'll do to you by starsandfluff</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26155009">that's what hope'll do to you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsandfluff/pseuds/starsandfluff'>starsandfluff</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Next to Normal - Kitt/Yorkey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/M, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Inner Dialogue, natalie is sad, no happy ending, that's it that's the fic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 12:29:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>521</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26155009</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsandfluff/pseuds/starsandfluff</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Natalie is fed up with being the forgotten child, the Invisible Girl.</p><p>Set during about the middle of Act 2.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dan Goodman &amp; Natalie Goodman (mentioned), Diana Goodman &amp; Natalie Goodman (mentioned), Natalie Goodman/Henry (mentioned)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>that's what hope'll do to you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>mostly just sad natalie inner monologue but i hope you like it!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Natalie dragged herself into her room and collapsed onto her bed.</p><p><em> “Hey, Nat, you’re on your own tonight, sorry, bye.” </em>Her dad had said walking out the door without a second glance.</p><p><em> It’s just...it’s just exhausting. </em> She thought, forcing herself to sit up.</p><p>
  <em> I always brushed it off when I was little. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It was scary, sure, seeing your parents so vulnerable sometimes. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> But the little things kept adding up— </em>
</p><p>
  <em> their absences at recitals, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> the favors I was asked for and soon expected to do, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> the ‘hey, Natalie can you do this,’ </em>
</p><p>
  <em> ‘hey, sorry, Natalie you’re on your own for dinner tonight,’ </em>
</p><p>
  <em> ‘oh right, Natalie, I forgot about that sorry,’ </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Forgot about what? Your own fucking daughter? </em>
</p><p>Natalie’s body sank as she placed her head in her hands. Her body tensed and tears started to form in her eyes.</p><p>
  <em> Why am I the only one feeling like this? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Everyday I wake up in so much pain and agony but somehow for me it’s just...expected </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It’s just...brushed off. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Like after all these years they’ve gotten used to having their child parent herself. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I wish I’d gotten to be a child. </em>
</p><p><em> A </em> normal <em> child. </em></p><p>
  <em> Without these fucking invisible burdens on my shoulders wherever I go. </em>
</p><p>She sighed. As her eyes met a family photo through the door, she felt a twinge of painful nostalgia.</p><p>
  <em> I remember feeling like it was my fault. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> If I was better my parents would notice me, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> if I was like this Gabe maybe my mom would love me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Maybe... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Maybe we’d be a normal happy family if I was like Gabe,  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> maybe they’d be a happier family if Gabe was here instead, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> maybe they’d be happier if I hadn’t been born at all. </em>
</p><p>Natalie tore her eyes from the photograph and smiled sadistically.</p><p><em> Probably, yeah. </em> She thought. <em> This family really would be happier if not for me. Me, the replacement child that just didn’t ever quite fill that emptiness in their hearts left by him. </em></p><p>It wasn’t always like this. Like every other child, Natalie had innocence and hope once. Heh. Hope. That wasn't a familiar feeling for her. Not for a long time at least. Going to college and getting far from this town was always the goal, but true hope? She’d given up on that a long time ago.</p><p>Henry would tell her to just fuck it. The world’s crazy, why not just have faith in good things sometimes? He’s probably right. Not about jazz, but about a lot of things.</p><p>
  <em> I used to want that...that attention...that feeling of being seen. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I still want it sometimes. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I got myself addicted to drugs and clubs and my parents didn’t bat an eye. </em>
</p><p><em> When I was younger I </em> always <em> wanted to be seen. </em></p><p>
  <em> That’s what hope’ll do to you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> One day I thought, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’d come home to a normal house with normal parents, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> parents who were proud of me, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> or noticed me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> One day it'd happen. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> But now, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I just wish I could fly away from it all. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Maybe someday they’ll notice me, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> they’ll see me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> But that’s just a tragic illusion. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> That’s...hope. </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thanks for reading! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>